Goodbye LiveJournal, Hello Blogspot.

http://dannikkah.blogspot.com/

Lesson Learned: It always comes down to trust and forgiveness. A situation can come your way, shake things up, and make you question everything. But the decision comes down to either forgiving that person who you've built so much trust with whole heartedly or shutting that person out entirely.

"im glad i found you
i know if i had died it would have been the worst thing that could have happened to me
but i didnt and it was the best thing that ever happened to me
i think god meant for us to find eachother
and maybe thats it who knows but i think he definitely meant for me to find you and you to find me
=]
i love you
i know thats rash
and as wild as it is theres something too this
and idk if it is or not
but theres something more to this
and like doesnt express it
im not trying to figure it out
im loving every minute of it"

I can't believe it's already the end of the year and lately I've really noticed how far I've come and how much I've really been blessed with. I've been off anxiety medication for seven months and I haven't had an anxiety attack since. I made a big decision in my career goals by changing my major, and I'm honestly putting it in the hands of God as to where I'll end up, but I'm really excited about my classes next term and I hope I get a good experience out of them. I'm 18 years old now and just this past week I signed my own lease for an apartment next year and it was just surreal I didn't need my mom to do it, that I was the one signing the papers and reading the contracts. I remember when I turned 17 it was all about being reckless and adventurous and this year turning 18, it's so much different. I didn't even rush to a club on the eve of my birthday. I've embraced responsibility and more importantly, I've embraced myself. Going out isn't what I'm all about. A night staying in paining my nails and sipping hot chocolate is more of who I am. And somewhere this past year, I found a very compassionate, caring, empathetic person in myself and it's done so many amazing things to all my relationships in my life. I still recall a couple years back wanting a change in me and this year, I've found an inner peace and as a result, I've become a loving person, more loving than my past self could have ever imagined and I'm only going to keep embracing this. Living away from home for the past five or six months, I've really realized how amazing of a family I really have. Anything I was ever angry about in high school, any angst I felt towards them, any wanting to get away from them, it all went away when I left for college. I truly appreciate them and I look forward to coming home all the time. For years, I've been waiting for that someone special to come into my life and never would I have imagined he'd be who he is. I watched the movie Twlight the other night and just every girl I know is absolutely enamored by the main guy Edward Cullen, but the whole time I was watching that all I thought about was No I have it good. I have someone in my life whose real and is there for me every single day. He's not perfect, but I'm happy being in a relationship with him. Obviously, the long distance isn't ideal for either us, but in the past three months that's he's reentered my life, I've really grown to care about him and my relationship with him is truly rewarding--We truly seek the best for each other, we support each other, We listen to each other, and We make an effort for each other and there's just so many other positives I can't even begin to list. Having him in my life is something I commit to everyday and so far so good.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. -Proverbs 31:30

Today was the first time in a long I actually listened to the readings. God's finally speaking to me again and I was just simply elated during mass today-- Nothing makes me happier. And just the fact that I realized that nothing makes me happier than praising him is already so awesome in itself. For awhile, I thought I was getting lost in the partying, the shopping, the not studying, or actually doing the schoolwork, friendships, and especially my relationship. There's been so many moments in the past two months I had to keep asking myself if this boy became my top priority.. i literally communicate with him every single day and he was the one person I just always wanted to tell about my day. And also, I was afraid I was starting to choose to run with my emotions over my logic.. I was ready or at least I thought I was ready to make an important decision with him so fast in a relationship after I upheld certain standards for myself for so long and in addition, I re-promised myself before I was in a relationship with him to stand by what I truly knew what I was best for me. Well, last week God came to him and made him realize he cared about me enough that he wouldn't make that decision with me. We'd make the better decision to wait. So after he told me that and we've had this change of pace, I finally felt like being in a relationship with him is finally a positive and beneficial and worthy relationship to keep in my life. Although it's going to be hard, the fact that we're going to work together to bring each other closer to God.. I can't even tell you how happy I am that God brought someone who wants the same things I want and someone who I admire so much for besides his personality, I see his faith and love for God.. and it just inspires me to strive for that same thing. Faith is the one thing we all have to hang on to.

Last week, I suddenly found out my dad was having a surgery.. and just growing up with a dad whose a doctor, I just see him as someone immune to all things and then to find out he's in a hospital bed and now can't work for several weeks, it put me in such an emotional spiral, especially because I'm 4 and a half hours away from my family, the people who mean the most but lately I've let them fade into the background of my life. Right after the news broke out to me, the first thought in my head was the only thing I can do is pray and tell my friends to pray. So just having that thought in my head made me realize I still have my faith. There's still something in me that's reliant to God.

I'm three days away from turning 18, and just to look back on the year I've had I can't believe the journey I've had. Despite the twists and turns, the good and the bad, and just everything in between, one thing I want to have in my life this time a year from now is my faith in God.

I find true happiness when I'm just dancing for Him. If there's one reason to hang onto my faith, it's to feel the way I do and to be able to express myself the way I do when I just dance. Who I am or used to be isn't completely gone. Thank goodness :)

All I have to say is a lot of things change and progress in just the course of the month. I'm headed somewhere different, that's for sure.

1 Month ♥

& i had an amazing parents weekend up here. I didn't have to hide the things I didn't want to show them, heck they joined in and we bonded and it was great. This weekend was the first time I realized my relationships with my family have changed.. I really am growing up. It's weird.

-Never throw up in your sink, it takes forever to drain and it's just disgusting.
-Webcams make the distance a little bit easier.
-One random class can make you question your entire career path and change your major to what you really want.

It's October and it's a Friday night.. and I'm in my dorm room. For the first time in awhile, I've grounded myself. I don't feel the need to go out every night. It's times like this, on silent nights when I'm by myself, I learn the most or I simply just get to reflect or calm my mind down. But the more I'm away, the more I miss my family and the friends that know me best. I can't replace my family and it takes awhile to build up more of the great friendships I love to have. Despite missing the people who mean the most to me, I can't really see myself anywhere else. I love the fall weather that's taken over Tallahassee and I just love walking around the campus everyday. Classes can be a struggle for me, the way they used to give me trouble in high school, but I'm really working on prioritizing and doing what I can to succeed. I refuse to let things just happen to me again. And I haven't found my niche here yet.. I don't know exactly what I want to be a part of here yet. Maybe that is what is leading me to these quiet nights. The first year is always the hardest, and I can't believe its already half way into the fall term and I'm supposed to register for spring classes very soon. But like everything in my life, I'm just taking it one day at a time. I just have to keep letting myself believe God has my future taken care of and I don't need to worry.

For the first in my life, I'm taking a chance on someone. I've never been more terrified and excited about what's to come. But, I am ready.

I'm so lucky to be able to say I have people in my life that just get me. No matter how much time has passed, the connections don't fade.

"for all the reasons listed above, you are one of my true friends, which i value more than i can say
youre also fun to be with, and gorgeous
so hooking up with you is great, but i dont want it to come between us because youre much more to me than just a hookup
and if it does come between us, i want to take you to homecoming anyway because i like being with you
because youre attractive all around, youre very pretty but youve also got an amazing personality and i can connect with you

i like you as a friend
i dont need to tell you that friend means a hell of alot more to me than to other people
so yeah, im not gonna lie to you and say i feel something more to get in your pants

and in light of that, if us hooking up fucked with youre emotions like that
i wouldnt have it.
if i knew it was gonna happen the first time i wouldnt have done it
and i sure as hell wont do it the second time"

Am I going to this again to myself? I don't understand my willingness.

Danica
did you make it to your 8am class today?
7:28pmMitchell
hah nope
i tried too, but i didnt try hard enough lol
7:29pmDanica
lol whattt we werent even out late last night!
7:29pmMitchell
i know, but it was staying out till 5 and 3 the past nights that finally caught up to me
plus my alarm broke lol so thats my excuse
7:30pmDanica
haha okay fair enough
7:31pmMitchell
so how bout you? you make it to your classes?
7:31pmDanica
i only had circus activities at 2pm plus natalie woke up at the crack of dawn
7:32pmMitchell
ya thats what you had lol, i actually just talked to her
you know she said she likes UCF better than FSU??
7:33pmDanica
what she was only there for an hour today lol
7:33pmMitchell
i know lol but she said our school reminds her of harry potter or something lol
7:34pmDanica
ahaha she would base it on that, well i like how suwanee room looks exactly like the one in harry potter
thats what they told me when i went on the campus tour then i was hooked lol
7:37pmMitchell
sorry one sec, phone
7:38pmDanica
okay
7:41pmMitchell
okay anyway, ya you should hear the things ive been hearing about a quidditch club or something like that here
bunch of people run around on brooms and play, it sounds pretty awesome and ridiculous at the same time
7:42pmDanica
haha i know what it is, i havent heard of that club here jeez im out of the loop
i guess we gotta convince natalie otherwise about fsu > ucf
7:43pmMitchell
i know!! i think she is only saying that because she was with pj and nick
7:44pmDanica
ehh i think me and you are better lol, but i guess its partly my fault i talked about how much i loved ucf half of last year
7:45pmMitchell
we are lol, but how could you?!? we are soo better
i think she knows she is going to UCf though so she is just accepting it and going into denial of the truth
7:47pmDanica
aw boo very true, but yeah i think up here at fsu we got wayy more to do
people outside of fl dont even know where ucf is
7:47pmMitchell
lol true dat
7:49pmDanica
so did you just head back to your dorm after we left you all last night?
7:50pmMitchell
yup, but we stayed up a for awhile waiting for pj, then we talked for a long time lol so we were up pretty late
7:50pmDanica
haha talking? sounds like a little sleepover
7:51pmMitchell
it was lol, slumberparty! you know how we do
7:52pmDanica
actually i do, you santa fe boys and your slumber parties..my brothers have them all the time
7:53pmMitchell
no its just cool catching up with people from back in high school, even though its only been a week of college, and ya we do that a lot... kinda wierd now that i think about it lol
7:54pmDanica
lol very true, im a lot lazier i was compulsively texting when i was at suwanee by myself earlier catching up with multiple friends
7:57pmMitchell
lol i love texting a million people at the same time, i feel so important and popular
7:58pmDanica
haha me too!! but sometimes when youre texting so much you miss like one person you had to respond back to so they end up thinking you ignored them
7:59pmMitchell
its even worse when you turn out to be that person lol
8:00pmDanica
aww haha well not to brag that hardly happens to me, i hold great text messaging conversations
8:01pmMitchell
i bet you do, you sure werent last night though lol, i sent you like 10 of them and no answer
8:02pmDanica
lol the "where you at" texts don't count, you gotta do the how are you or bring up something amusing to joke about that will keep conversation going haha
8:03pmMitchell
ughhh fine, you want me to talk to you and be creative?... so demanding lol
8:04pmDanica
haha YES, thats not being demanding thats asking for an entertaining convo
8:07pmMitchell
i guess ill just have stay on my toes then when im talking to you, you just better appreciate my effort that i put into my texts then lol
8:08pmDanica
lol with more practice, you'll be a pro great text converser like me
8:09pmMitchell
yup, i even got unlimited texting right before i got here so i could do just that
8:09pmDanica
i bet my mom helped convince your mom of that
8:10pmMitchell
you know, you have to be right lol, she probably told my mom what unlimited was
8:11pmDanica
haha true that
8:12pmMitchell
well i am ridiculously tired and i have a lot of psych to read and facebook is like the antichrist of doing my homework so i need to go study lol
8:13pmDanica
lol good point ill ttyl
8:13pmMitchell
i hope that was creative enough
8:13pmDanica
haha not the best its getting there
8:13pmMitchell
but ya ill ttyl
8:13pmDanica
just text me if you need a break for psych lol
8:14pmMitchell
ouch lol, but ok ill come up with something good

& Now it's the beginning of a new month and what a great long weekend I've had & so far a good start to fall term. I absolutely love my classes & it's the first time in a long time I just want to learn, I'm definitely so inspired. I've also been going out a lot and having a good time, but I've been completely true to who I am. Enough that so many guys have commented that they know how much I respect myself that they respect me too. I haven't sold out and when people can see I'm different that makes me even stronger. I just have what I've been looking for in my life--stability and control.

I am now a full-fledged college girl & I absolutely love my life here. (First football game this Saturday too!)

1. I hate that you told me I'm one of two people you really care about and now we hardly ever talk. I miss you so much and I wish you could talk to me.

2. You're the biggest bitch I know, but I love you for it. You've never lied to me, no matter how ugly the things you say can be. Even though I can't stand you half the time for being the way you are, thank you for caring and helping me grow up every single day (even though you're younger than me).

3. You're so far away now, but I know at the least, we will always be in touch. Seriously, you're going to take over the world, because you're that amazing.

4. Grow some balls. I want to get to know you, but my patience is wearing thin. Btw, I don't really have a thing for you, I just want to be friends.

5. I hate how you've never considered me to be one of your true friends. It's been three years, and you never told me anything and I've never felt so insecure in a friendship as I do with you. I love you, but I can't do it anymore.

6. I love you and I'll always be your princess.

7. Lately, I've been going over in my head what happened to us. And I'm pretty sure you still don't understand the extent of what you did to me. I don't even know why I bothered to make amends with you. You don't even deserve me as a friend.

8. You're the closest thing I've ever had to a sister. Thank you for all the times you've saved me. I know what true friendship is because of you.

9. I miss you more than you know, but I'll never admit that. Every day I go without you, I become more independent. Thank you for giving me my space.

10. I don't hate you. I've become a stronger person because of those four years. I only see how lonely you are, and I wish you had more in your life. But, I can honestly say I don't respect you and I can only hope you don't destroy the friends I have left there.

So it's my first Saturday night of fall term in college & ... I'm bundled up in an oversized hoodie and flannel pajama bottoms. It's not exactly what I envisioned, but thanks to Hurricane Fay, the weather has pretty much kept everyone in. Lately, I've just been feeling like I'm on a sailboat and I'm going whatever way the wind blows me. It's so different to finally be living by a plan other than my own. Like I really thought joining a sorority was what I wanted to do, but I don't know..something just didn't feel quite right. At this point, I'm still unsure of where my place is here at FSU. But, I do know I want to be defined as an individual, which is something that hasn't happened for me in awhile. Being here in the fall term already seems like a whole different ball park. Classes start Monday and I don't even know what to expect. I want to succeed and I want to like my classes. And I can only hope that's in the plan. 40,000 students, and I don't even know who I'm still going to be friends with from summer term and what other new people I'm going to meet this year. One of my best friends just got her dream guy, and sometimes I wonder if God will bring me one guy that won't disappoint me. I definitely feel like I have a blindfold on over my future and I have no idea what to do but just trust. Oh, and of course, there's times when I finally think I'm over the past, and times when it just seems to creep back into my mind. The past seems to just rewind and my heart just feels like the way it did. I sometimes wonder if it keeps coming back to me because I'm missing a point. Like I overlooked something. But, I've analyzed it--Over and over again in my head.

But despite all the worries, I'm not feeling anxious or unsettled. I'm just feeling... fine. Like I know I should feel this way, and I'm so confident in my faith, I'm not worried about my worries. :P

What a trying week it's been. I decided not to complete the remainder of recruitment. Ultimately I decided joining a sorority isn't for me for now. And no, the horrible hurricane weather did not help. But I'm so glad I did experience this. I've only built my character more & I'm following God's plan, which for now, isn't this. I'm at peace. Well, I'm exhausted, but I'm just good :) I'm ready for whatever this first year of college brings.

Rush week isn't called rush week for nothing.